Narc Busters

Here is a resource for those recovering, or in a toxic or narcissistic relationship. Be it at home or work.

Narcissists use various manipulative tactics to control, confuse, and undermine their victims. Here are the top five most common and damaging tactics:

1. Gaslighting

  • Making you doubt your reality, memory, or perception.
  • Example: “That never happened, you’re imagining things,” or “You’re too sensitive.”
  • Effect: Creates self-doubt and dependence on the narcissist for “truth.”

2. Love-Bombing & Devaluation

  • Love-Bombing: Over-the-top affection, gifts, and flattery to gain control.
  • Devaluation: Once they have you hooked, they criticize, demean, and withdraw affection.
  • Effect: Keeps you emotionally addicted and craving their approval.

3. Silent Treatment & Stonewalling

  • Ignoring you, refusing to communicate, or giving vague responses.
  • Example: They disappear after a conflict, making you feel anxious and desperate.
  • Effect: Instills fear of abandonment and forces compliance.

4. Projection & Blame-Shifting

  • Accusing you of the very things they are guilty of.
  • Example: A narcissist who lies constantly will accuse you of being dishonest.
  • Effect: Confuses you, puts you on the defensive, and shifts accountability.

5. Triangulation

  • Using a third party (exes, family, friends, or even strangers) to make you feel insecure.
  • Example: “My ex never acted like this,” or “Everyone agrees you’re the problem.”
  • Effect: Creates competition, self-doubt, and dependence on the narcissist’s approval.

How to Recognize & Shut Down Narcissistic Manipulation

1. Gaslighting – “You’re Crazy” Tactic

👉 How to Spot It:
They twist reality until you start doubting your own sanity. You know what happened, but they act like you imagined it.
💬 Example: “That never happened. You’re making things up.”

🔥 How to Shut It Down:

  • Keep records (texts, emails, journal entries).
  • Trust your own memory, not their version of events.
  • Respond with: “I know what I saw/heard. We won’t be discussing this further.”

2. Love-Bombing & Devaluation – “Hook & Crush” Tactic

👉 How to Spot It:
At first, they treat you like a god(dess)—constant praise, gifts, intense attention. Then? The switch flips. They pull away, criticize you, and make you work for their approval.
💬 Example: “You’re my soulmate” → a month later → “You’re too needy and dramatic.”

🔥 How to Shut It Down:

  • Don’t fall for intensity over consistency.
  • If they start withdrawing affection, don’t chase them—watch how fast they try to regain control.
  • Countermove: “I don’t play games. Either you respect me, or I walk.”

3. Silent Treatment – “Control Through Absence” Tactic

👉 How to Spot It:
They ignore you to punish you, make you anxious, and keep you desperate for their validation.
💬 Example: You ask a question, and they ghost you. A day later, they act like nothing happened.

🔥 How to Shut It Down:

  • Call it what it is: emotional abuse.
  • Instead of chasing them, do the opposite—go no contact.
  • Countermove: “If you need space, take all the time you need. I’m moving forward.”

4. Projection & Blame-Shifting – “It’s All Your Fault” Tactic

👉 How to Spot It:
They accuse you of the very thing they’re guilty of.
💬 Example: They’re cheating? They accuse you of being unfaithful. They’re lying? Suddenly you have “trust issues.”

🔥 How to Shut It Down:

  • Recognize the game: They’re offloading their own guilt.
  • Do not get defensive—that’s what they want.
  • Countermove: “I’m not responsible for your actions. Own your behavior.” (Then walk away.)

5. Triangulation – “Let’s Add Drama” Tactic

👉 How to Spot It:
They drag in a third person (exes, friends, even strangers) to make you insecure or jealous.
💬 Example: “My ex never had a problem with this,” or “Everyone thinks you’re overreacting.”

🔥 How to Shut It Down:

  • Recognize that it’s deliberate.
  • Never compete for their approval—let them go.
  • Countermove: “I don’t care what ‘they’ think. This conversation is between us.”

Final Thought: Take Back Your Power

Narcissists only thrive when they have emotional leverage. Once you stop reacting, they lose control. Get off the rollercoaster. Your peace, self-respect, and future are worth way more than their mind games.

💥 Next Steps?

  • Cut them off (or go grey rock).
  • Rebuild self-trust and boundaries.
  • Surround yourself with REAL people who respect you.

Here’s an example of how you can use this…

“Great, now I have to stay back and finish what you didn’t do today”. If your boss or coworker said this to you, below are some suggestions on how to respond. Also, I highly recommend practicing these with a friend or role playing with a counsellor until they feel second nature.

This is a classic guilt-tripping tactic—your boss is trying to make you feel bad so that you work harder, stay late, or take on responsibilities that aren’t yours.

What’s Really Happening?

Your boss is shifting the blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for proper task delegation and workload management. It’s designed to make you feel anxious, obligated, and like you owe them.

How to Shut It Down:

Option 1: Call It Out (Respectfully, but Firmly)

🔥 Response: “I completed my tasks as required. If there’s additional work, let’s discuss priorities tomorrow so everything gets done efficiently.”

Why it works: It puts the focus back on workload management instead of letting them guilt-trip you into overworking.

Option 2: Deflect & Set Boundaries

🔥 Response: “I understand there’s more to do, but I’ve completed what was expected of me. If you’d like to adjust workloads moving forward, I’m happy to discuss it.”

Why it works: You acknowledge their frustration without taking the blame. It also signals that you won’t be manipulated into staying late every time.

Option 3: If They Keep Pushing…

🔥 Response: “I’m happy to help when possible, but I also have commitments outside of work. Let’s plan ahead so we can manage deadlines better.”

Why it works: It subtly reminds them that your time is valuable, and they need to manage things properly.

Bottom Line

Guilt-tripping bosses thrive on emotional reactions—stay calm, professional, and don’t take the bait. If it keeps happening, document everything and consider escalating if needed.